HI. My Name is __. I’m a virgin.

I am going to take a guess and figure dating is hard enough for the average adjusted human… but for a virgin who is apparently passed the socially acceptable age… it is like telling people you can turn invisible. Obviously, it can’t be true. And there are stages:

Confusion: Get ready to repeat yourself 3 times. Seriously. Get comfortable saying it because you will just have to own it and repeat it… A lot. Perhaps this is why I’ve become more and more used to talking about it – because you have to.

Disbelief: “you’re kidding.” “that can’t be right” “never?” again.. You will have to repeat yourself. A few times. Give them time to let it sink in as you prepare for the next stage.

Questions: you just crossed into the Spanish inquisition (actually, I did have this conversation with a spaniard once, so that’s fair). Here is where you start to get a feel for the person. Complete fascination or utter disgust and anger usually follow. – unless they are in the secret incognito group. I’ll get to those soon enough.

This is where they divide up. Luckily, most people – after the onslought of questions – usually just end up going “that’s cool of you. Good luck.” Nice, polite and moving on.

Then there is that group that starts telling you about how much you’re missing and trying to convince you that you need to run out and get laid immediately because how can you still be functioning without sex several times a day. Apparently.

A very rare group takes it in stride. Acknowledges it and moves on. Yes, they might dwell on it from time to time and have lots of questions, but they kinda go with it. Sadly, a person in this group is likely to wave in their coolness as they just don’t know how to handle you – you are clearly a rare unicorn. Do they approach you, watch from afar, or run up and try to ride you?

The last group… incognito… They appear to be to cool with it group but really, they are testing you to see what you let them get away with. Now, all people who are virgins are that way for different reasons. When it comes down to it though, moments of freakout when things move beyond your current experience are bound to happen. And people.. listen up – if someone stops the course of action this likely is not a reflection of how sexy they find you, but more just momentarily freaking out and need a time out. Please Stand By. However, if the person you are with is in this last group, you’re likely never going to hear from them again when they realize – wow.. she really isn’t kidding.

 

Sigh.

 

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